is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
