I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
