seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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