No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
