jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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