Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
