Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
