so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
