just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
