When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
