i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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