So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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