Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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