here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
