id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
