he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
