how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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