Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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