I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
