my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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