Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
