Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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