I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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