he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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