Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
