I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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