I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize