Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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