I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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