If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
