Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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