There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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