i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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