put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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