Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
