Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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