Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
