come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
