I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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