I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
