His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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