Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
