i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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