just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
