i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
