Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
