I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize