dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
