oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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