I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
