He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
