You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
