census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
