Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
