Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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