that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
