So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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