Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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