so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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