btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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