He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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